Gladys’s Handy Handbook to Neighboring and Being a Neighborly Neighbor

By: Matias Edelstein

What makes a new neighbor neighborly?

At what point is someone a neighbor? Right next door? Down the street, is that still a neighbor?

Falling in love with a new neighbor?

Being the new neighbor? Hating new neighbor things (learning to like, continuing to hate?)

Gladys’s Handy Handbook to Neighboring and Being a Neighborly Neighbor.

Introduction:

Do not get me wrong my neighbor-novices, neighboring ain’t for all. Strength, persistence, presence. All are needed to become the neighbor of ​your​ dreams, ​MY​ dreams—the neighbor of the past, the present and—yes—the future.

Now... If you have ever been around the block you would know my name—but looking at you here, and YES I ​can ​see you, gives me no hope for my neighborhood. But ​goddammit​ I am going make some hope outta you.

And do not let yourself be deceived, you are in capable hands--in casserole creatin’ pie crust concoctin’ and ​by god’s good grace ​you know I gotta a cuppa joe on the kettle at all hours of the day. I am a proud and noble neighbuh, have been for 65

years now. Neighborin’s in muh blud—has been for generations. Family fable states Gladook—the first of my kin, the Original—pursued neighborin’ for the foist time when she knocked on the next cave over and proceeded to offer some unsolicited advice. ​Damn! ​She was good.

That brings me to my first lesson my neighbor novices. ​Always​ know your environment, your surroundings, and most importantly—​feel​ the neighborhood, ​taste ​the neighborhood, and by golly—I want you to push that neighborhood outta you

like it’s your own newborn child. Neighborin’ ain’t for the weak, my neighborly novices.